What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot!
Excuse me, could you please sparrow me some change?
To the person who stole my coffee, my lamp, and my parrot…
I don’t know how you sleep at night.
What bird is a MMA fighter?
Conure McGregor.
What sport do hawks like?
Hawckey
Q. What do you get if you cross a parrot with a centipede?
A. A walkie talkie!
Why did the crow refuse to go home from the night club?
Because he was raven.
I heard a story about a bird that hides its head in the sand when it gets scared.
It’s a bit of a ostrich.
What bird never spits out his chewing gun?
A swallow.
What do you name a synthetic parrot?
PollyEster
What kind of bird works underground?
A Mynah bird.
What do you get if you cross a parrot with a woodpecker?
A bird that talks in morse code!
What do you call a funny parrot spoof
A parody
Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?
Because he was tweeting on a test.
What do you get when you cross a parrot and a shark?
A bird that talks your ears off.
The vet said I have chirpees.
Good news it is tweet-able.
What do you call a parrot that won’t eat?
A Polly-no-meal.
Did you hear the one about the crow and the telephone pole?
He wanted to make a long distance caw.
What’s the difference between one parrot and two?
One parrot can’t carry a coconut, but toucan.
How does a bird with a broken wing manage to land safely?
With its sparrowchute.
I was going to save you a fish
But you weren’t heron time.
What’s it called when your parrot ends up missing?
Polygon.
How do crows stick together in a flock?
Velcrow.
What kind of math do Snowy Owls like?
Owlgebra.
What do you call a very rude bird?
A mockingbird!
How did the bird break into the house?
With a crow bar.
What language do geese speak?
Porchageese.
What kind of bird runs the church?
A cardinal!
Why did the pelican get kicked out of the restaurant?
Because he had a very big bill.
What is a parrot’s favorite game?
Beakaboo
What does a bird like in his soup?
Crowtons.
What bird movie won an Oscar?
Lord of the Wings.
I really don’t get bird puns
I find them toucan fusing.
What do you get if you cross a duck with a firework?
A firequaker!
Why was the Pirate sad when his parrot left him?.
It gave him the cold shoulder.
What kind of bird doesn’t need a comb?
A bald eagle.
Why did the turkey cross the road?
To prove he was not a chicken
What did the owl answer to her owl boyfriend on the phone?
Come, I’m owl by myself
Where do parrots invest their money?
In the stork market
I just learned how to speak parrot.
I just learned how to speak parrot.
What kind of bird can carry the most weight?
The crane.
What robs you while you’re in the bathtub?
A robber ducky.
What do you call a bunch of chickens playing hide-and-seek?
Fowl play!
What do you call memory loss in a parrot?
Polynesia
My wife told me I had to stop acting like a flamingo.
So I had to put my foot down.
What do you call a bird who never remember song lyrics?
A hummingbird
How do chickens get strong?
Egg-cersize.
What did the pigeon say after its friend landed a sick flip?
Coo.
What do you give a hunter for his Birthday?
A Birthday pheasant
Parrot Jokes
A man bid on an exotic parrot at an auction.
He really wanted the parrot, so he continued to bid higher and higher. Finally, after he bid way more than he intended, he won the bid. As he was paying for the parrot, he said to the auctioneer, “I sure hope this parrot can talk. I would hate to have paid this much for it, only to find out that he can’t talk!”
The auctioneer replied, “Don’t worry, he can talk. Who do you think kept bidding against you?
A man decides to buy a parrot
A man walks into a pet shop, goes to the clerk, and says that he would like to buy a parrot.
The clerk responds, “ah excellent! We happen to have three excellent parrots in stock right now. This lovely one here goes for $10,000.”
Startled the man remarks that this seams like a high price for a bird.
“Well you see this is a special parrot, it can answer the phone and make appointments for you.”
The man is very impressed by this but decides to look at the other two as well.
“This one here goes for $20,000 since it is excellent at sales and will actually make money for you.”
Astounded at the skills of these birds the man can hardly wait to find out about the final parrot.
“Lastly, this parrot is priced at $50,000.”
The man is practically knocked over by this outlandish price and asks what it does that could possibly make it worth so much money.
“I don’t know but the other two call it boss.”
Australian kids are exposed to male genitals a lot growing up.
By the time they reach 18, they’ve definitely seen a cockatoo.
